Sunday, November 10, 2013

From a Guy Who Cares

I heard you like bad boys. Those guys who act like they don't care about you, which makes you try harder to make them like you. Those guys who wouldn't reply to your texts until later on, which makes you wait around and miss him more. Those guys who act distant from you, which makes you try harder to get their attention. Those guys who know they can get a lot of girls, which makes you more afraid to lose them. Those guys who would show you they're interested one day then act different the next day, which makes you too confused to make the decision to  leave him. Those guys who will make you fall for them but they can care less, which makes you stuck and not being able to move on cause you care too much. Has anyone ever told you that you deserve better than that? You probably have, and you know what? It's about time you realize that. If a guy likes you, he'll meet you halfway. Simple as that. Don't settle for a bad boy when you deserve a good man.

Saturday, November 9, 2013

Is Love Really Hard or People are Just Difficult?

Where does the spark and infatuation from the beginning go?

It's crazy how quickly you can go from being excited to talk to a person to feel like you're forcing the conversation. The quality time turns into "I was working" and the consistent communication becomes "I don't know". When does "I hate to see you leave" turn into "it hurts too much to stay?" Maybe we're all guilty of taking things for granted, or letting our fears stop us from taking certain chances. Maybe we think we can make love appear when it's convenient, or maybe we don't realize the effort required to keep a good thing good. Maybe we think happiness is something that just finds us, instead of being something we work for and choose to have. And maybe that's why we all get it wrong so often.

It's amazing how fast things changed...

You go from laughing about anything to arguing about everything...

You have to go through the motions, wondering if they're real, if they really care, or if they're going to run when it's rough. You want to give more of yourself to somebody but it's hard these days because you just never know if you'll get anything back. You think you have it all down. You do the little things, you stay consistent, but somehow it just doesn't add up. Maybe the problem is that we expect the love to be magical before we become magicians. Or could it be that we're all just better breakers than builders. We'd rather have feelings we can throw away and "love" that's disposable. Lord forbid a situation require us to grow, learn more, and actually put work in. Reality is rough. You only want what's easy and that's why what you get never lasts. Everybody wants to get fought for but nobody is willing to fight. She loves the butterflies but she avoids beginnings because she hates having to start over. He's tired but he's so used to chase that he's scared to stop running. 

Makes you wonder...
Is LOVE really hard or people are just difficult?

Saturday, October 26, 2013

Stop Being Afraid of Being Loved or Falling in Love

Are you afraid to fall in love? Or does the thought of being loved by someone scare you? Does the idea of love make you feel suffocated. too deeply entwined, or is the whole concept just plain uninteresting to you? Love scars can lead you to avoid love altogether, for fear of being hurt again. And yet, while love is an uncertain and sometimes chaotic journey, it has the potential to be wondrous too. And if you're not prepared to put in effort, then you're not going to get love back. By relying on hope and giving yourself the permission to try love again, you can find a way to fall in love or let others love you that won't result in pain or disappointment.

Understand that the feeling of love is permissible. Let yourself be overcome by feelings of affection, care, intensity, and warmth. These feelings won't destroy you -- they are good, positive feelings. And if you let your own feelings of love show, it is so much easier for the other person to feel safe about reciprocating their mutual affection. Sometimes it is ass much about you making it obvious that love has a place in your life as it is about expecting others to take care of your fragile heart -- you're not alone in feeling worried about love!

Rid yourself of past shadows. When you start feeling great affection for someone but the ghost of love gone wrong in the past starts fluttering by, tell yourself that this is a different situation and a different person. Remind yourself that you're a wiser, more emotionally healthy self too. Emotionally healthy people learn from the lessons in the past, then move forward leaving the past behind. Make good now and trust this new beginning, as it is going to be worth it for both of you. If you find that the past colors everything you're doing in the present, then it might be time to get some talk therapy with someone you trust. Sometimes it takes talking it through to form a clearer picture of your fear and sense of loss. Some people are not inhibited by the past so much as by the future. Such people constantly worry about how their future instead of living in the now -- this can put the brakes on love too because unnecessary energy is spent on "what ifs", such as "what if this doesn't work out and I've wasted all my energy on building this relationship?". If this is you, remind yourself that time spent building a relationship is never wasted, even if the person passes through your life, it still matters at the time and teaches you things about yourself and others.

Face your fears. If you feel a sense of suffocation, loss of self, or disillusionment about love, then you probably have a tougher road ahead than a person who fears a repeat of the past. For you, the fear is about losing yourself, your individuality. Think about the past and anyone who may have made you feel this way, suffocated, watched over, criticized too much. Put that memory into its place and recognize that the person or situation is very different from a love in which two people at an equal level care about one another and make mature decisions together. When fear of love grips you, it helps to set very clear but friendly ground rules about yourself from the start of a loving relationship. Let the other person know that you will always feel a need for space, time alone, and opportunities to do things separate from your relationship but that this does not impact your love and care for this person. Rather, make it clear that this is a healthy way for a couple to be together, always growing and being individuals as much as being part of a couple. In relationships you can have alone time and you both need to have the understanding that nothing is wrong with having time to yourself.

Take the plunge slowly. You're never going to be the type who sees fireworks and feels love at first sight -- you're too cautious and need to reflect. However, this is a positive, not a negative -- only fools rush in where angels fear to tread. Take your time developing your loving relationship, and be mature, honest, straightforward and open with your partner. The love that flourishes from this slowly-does-it approach is often an enduring and respectful one. Moreover, slowly developed love tends to be more forgiving of the other person's ways than a lightning bolt love that unravels when all the habits and foibles of the other person begins to show. 

Don't give up your other passions. Being in a loving relationship means being in a supportive one. It is not about being changed by another person, or trying to change someone. If you fear that the person you love might end up wanting to change something about you, deal with this early on. Always make it clear that you come with the fox terriers, the summer vacation hunting trips, the night-out-with-the girls once a week, the desire to never have children, the weekends locked away reading a book. If you have passions that define you, a partner who seeks to take them away from you will leave both of you unhappy and if this is what is stopping you from falling in love, return to the mantra of being open, clear, and up front from the start. Now that all this is out of the way, you can start open up and to fall in love and finally enjoy the journey to self-discovery that includes discovering someone else who cares for you. Good luck leaving fear behind!

Remember that love is a multi-colored, many splendid thing that is hard to confine to one-box-fits-all or to a singular definition. It just may be that your problem is how you define love; change your perspective and you might just lose your fear. Love can creep up unawares, dressed in the clothing of friendship, a shared passion, a regular meet-up, a weekly conversation in the pub - it doesn't have to be anything spectacular or overwhelming and it can be as simple, or as complicated, as you want it to be. Maybe seeing it this way can lessen your fear of the amorphous, overly romanticized notion of love and help you to understand that at its most basic, love is companionship with somebody who means a great deal to you.


Be careful that you aren't mistaking "Love" for loneliness. Don't think you are putting someone in your heart, when all you really want is someone in your bed. No matter who it is, there is always a chance of being hurt, even if you eliminate the fear. Choose heartbreak over fear of heartbreak; choose doing over doing nothing.

  

Friday, October 18, 2013

Make Someone Fall for You

Sometimes we meet someone and we just know: it's love. However, it isn't always easy to see the wonderful qualities of the people right there in front of us. They may need a little push to realize that maybe they love you too. Remember that there is no way to make someone fall in love with you and that you wouldn't want love that was forced anyway. But, with time and effort, you may be able to be for them all the amazing things that they are for you!
Work on being the best "you". If you want someone to fall in love with you, you need to be someone that people want to fall in love with first. Work on being the best you that you can possibly be and you'll find that people will start loving you naturally. Who knows, maybe you'll end up catching the attention of the person you wanted to begin with. Take good care of your body. It's hard to love someone properly if you can't even love yourself. This is something that shows to other people; they'll notice if you can't care for yourself and this will make many people lose interest. Exercise, eat right, practice proper hygiene and wear clean clothing. Go out and do things. Don't be boring and just sit around watching television. Give your life a purpose and direction. Live a big life. Go out and travel the world, excel at a sport, make lots of friends. Even a homebody can find ways to make their life exciting and meaningful. Write a book about a subject that is important to you, take up an art like sculpting or painting, learn to code and start writing your own programs, or become an active member in an online community. Whatever it is, make sure that you are doing the things you always wanted to do. This passion is very attractive and others will take notice. Treat others the way you wanted to be treated. It may sound cheesy, but it's true. If you want others to treat you with care and respect, you better start acting that way, too. People are happy to fall in love with others who are happy, who give back, and who are genuinely nice to others.
Prepare for the emotional hurdles. Relationships are hard. Before trying to get someone to fall in love with you, be sure that you are emotionally ready for what it means. You need to love that person in return and be willing to make sacrifices for them. You need to be devoted to their happiness and your own, in union. If you are too hung up in a past relationship, are more interested in dating someone else, or just generally not ready for commitment, don't try to get someone to fall in love with you. Consider how you feel about this person. Do you love them? You will want to be sure that you feel romantic love for them and not just the love felt between close friends. It can often be difficult to tell. If you don't love them yet, then consider just letting the relationship develop naturally. If it is meant to be then you will both develop feelings together. Think about why you want to take this relationship more seriously. If you only want that person to love you in order to feel better about losing another relationship or to make someone jealous, then getting that person to fall in love with you is a bad idea. This is inconsiderate towards the very real feeling they may end up developing. If, however, you want someone to fall in love with you because you want to be together for a long time and have a mutually supportive relationship, then go ahead. Determine your long-term goals for the relationship. If you can't see it lasting, there isn't much sense in trying to make someone fall in love with you. This is emotionally cruel to both yourself and the other person. There is nothing wrong with casual dating; if you want to date someone but don't see it lasting, just enjoy it for what it is and don't try to make it more serious. You don't need to be in love to keep dating.
Find someone that's right for you. This is one of the most important steps before trying to make someone fall in love with you. This person needs to be ready for a more serious relationship, they need to be compatible with you. If they aren't, you will be wasting your time and theirs and somebody is going to end up with a broken heart.
Get to know them. The first step in getting someone to love you is to get to know them. This doesn't just mean knowing their birthday or where they work or their parent's names. This means getting to know the real them, who they really are underneath the basic details of their life. This takes time and you need to pay attention and take a real interest, since information like this is often not offered but rather learned through inference and experience. Discuss difficult or controversial topics like religion and politics, and discuss them at length. This will tell you a lot about what a person believes and values. It's okay if you have some different beliefs in these areas (it's always good to challenge each other and make each other think) but be aware that too many differences or very important differences can make more serious relationships hard or impossible. Talk about what they wanted to be as a child and what they want to do with their life now. This will tell you about their hopes and dreams, as well as what kind of direction they want in their life. 
Share their passions. Get into the things that they love. Learn to enjoy or appreciate the things that make them happy. Don't fake it; people can usually tell when you are genuinely interested in something. Experience it through their eyes and share in that passion. This will give you something to bond over and can set the spark for real love. If they are a big fan of a sport that you don't understand or know, ask them to teach it to you. This will give you the opportunity to play it with them or go with them to games. Look at the sport as a way to get excited and enjoy life, if you aren't usually into sports. If they are really into a certain kind of music, listen to a lot of that music and find some songs that you like too. You can even find sub-genres that you prefer. This will give you the opportunity to discuss the technical side of the music, as well as arguing the merits of certain variations or changes over time. You can go to concerts together on dates or make them the perfect mix as a gift.
Support them during difficult times. This will be very important to creating true love between you. Most people want to be in relationships to begin with because they like having someone to support them. If you can be supportive and genuinely caring, this will go a long way towards getting someone to fall in love with you. Don't just hug them and tell them everything will be okay (although you should do those things). Do whatever you can to actively help solve or ease their problems. If they are struggling in school, tutor them and work with them if possible. If they are having problems at work, try making them food and cleaning their house so that they don't have so much to worry about when they come home.
Make them their best self. People want to be with someone who makes them a better person. It makes them feel better about themselves and reassures them that they can be good people if they try. Make your significant other the best version of themselves by encouraging them to do the things they love and giving them the space to do those things. If they have a bad habits, gently give them the tools they need to break those habits. Just remember not to be condescending, push unwanted help or advise, or try to change them into what you want them to be. This is all about helping them make the changes that they want in their life. Make your significant other feel like your hero when they're around you. Let them help you with schoolwork (to make them feel smart), ask for personal advice (to make them feel wise), and ask for their help or advise on subjects that are particularly important to them (to give them a chance to use their expertise). Asking for clothing advice or help reaching or opening containers are also ways that you can make your significant other feel useful and capable. 
Show them the best side of you. You hopefully took the advice in their earlier steps ans worked on making yourself your best person. Now is the time to let that shine. Share your newly explored passions with your significant other but also let them see how far you've come. Seeing that someone is motivated to change their life for the better is attractive and inspiring. Realize that they will see and should see your worse sides as well. People are flawed and there is nothing wrong with that. You can't really be perfect at all, much less all of the time. No one can. You just have to trust that your faults mesh well with theirs. Personal faults can even be a good things. Maybe you hate doing laundry but your significant other finds it relaxing, while they hate cleaning the kitchen but for you it's practically a sport. 
Give them freedom and space. No one wants to feel trapped in a relationship. This is why many people keep themselves from getting too serious. If you give your significant other the freedom to do the things they love and be their own person, you will go far in making them feel comfortable with the idea of loving you. Respect that they are their own person; don't try to change them and certainly don't invade their privacy. They are allowed to have secrets and things are just theirs. Don't rearrange their living space without asking. Don't try to change the interior decorating in their home. Don't force them to change their diet or how they dress. If you make suggestions along these lines and they say "no", respect that and don't bring it up again (at least for a long time). Don't suck up all of their time; they probably have things they need or want to do that they need to do alone. Do let them have time to themselves to do the things that they want to do. Alone time is important for both of you. Do encourage them to make their own decisions regarding personal items and decoration. For example, if your boyfriend asks for help picking out new clothes, find three shirts that you think would work and then let him pick one. If your girlfriend asks you to pick a place to go out for dinner, give her a short list of your favorite places and let her choose what she's in the mood for.
Create trust. Don't constantly second-guess them or question their motives. Trust them and show them that you trust them. Love can't exist long-term in a relationship that doesn't have trust. Show your significant other that you are a safe haven, where they can find and give trust without having to worry that they will get hurt. If they tell you a secret, keep it. If you find out something that embarrasses them, don't bring up the issue or bring it up only to show that you do the same or similar things and that there's nothing to be ashamed about around you. Share your secrets with your significant other and let them see sides of you that no one else does. Be vulnerable with them and let them make you feel better. Don't stress when they spend time around other men or women. Knowing that you trust them will make them trust you even more. 
Don't be a lazy lover: go the extra mile! Dress well, do your hair, plan elaborate dates, and find the perfect gifts. These things will show your significant other that you think they're worth the effort. If they see how much you're willing to try, they'll be much more likely to love you.
Be a great date. From the very first date, you want to be someone that's fun to be around. Even before the first date you will want to create opportunities to spend time together in a way that shows just how wonderful you are. Choose activities which are exciting, unique, and fun for both of you. If you don't know each other very well, choose something that will give you common ground and something to talk about: like a movie. If you do know each other well, choose something that's outside the norm for both of you. this may allow them to see you in a new light. To set up a date, don't beat around the bush: be straightforward. Tell your special someone something like, "Hey, I'd really like to go to the zoo this weekend and I would love it if you'd be my date." Have a concrete activity that is entertaining for both of you and be honest about why you want them to come. Taking control of the situation like this shows that you're capable and confident, excellent qualities in a date.
Believe that there are other people. Sometimes we have feelings for someone that they don't return. This is okay. You shouldn't feel like it's the end of the world or that there's no one else for you. There are an awful lot of people on this planet, after all (don't think too hard about other planets though... long distance relationships are hard). If someone doesn't return your feelings you should understand that it wasn't meant to be and that you wouldn't have been all that happy together. You'll find someone else before you know it and wonder why you ever felt upset in the first place. Don't be clingy or overly pushy with someone who's rejected your feelings. Anyone that you have to try too hard to convince to like you is not worth all the trouble and will probably never like you. Pursuing a relationship too hard will only make you creepy and push people further away.
Don't ever take them for granted. If they do fall in love with you, you'll need to maintain that love, to keep it from fading or changing. The best way to keep someone in love with you is to never, ever take them for granted. Show them that you appreciate them every day (by saying things like thank you) and take notice of all the things they do for you and the ways in which they improve your life. For example, if your significant other joins in your vegetarianism so that you recognize and appreciate the effort more easily, occasionally show them that you recognize and appreciate the effort by preparing them a meal with meat (you can use local, humane meat to ease your personal misgivings). 
Show them that you care. Just because you're both in love and your relationship seems stable and at its peak doesn't mean you should stop putting in an effort. Continue to go on dates, buy each other flowers, and things like that. This will show them that you still care and are still invested in the relationship. Most importantly: tell them that you love them. Do this every day, if you can. Never ever let them question if you still love them. Knowing that your feelings are so undying will make them fall even deeper in love. 
Make a commitment. If you love someone and they love you, then it is important to make some kind of commitment. This shows them that you're serious and that your affection isn't some ephemeral emotion meant to get you what you want. It also saves them the embarrassment of societal pressure, as it will keep others from judging them and assuming that they are being taken advantage of. In the short term, you can date your significant other exclusively. After a little longer you may wish to move in with them. Longer term you may wish to get married. If that isn't for you, consider matching tattoos over your hearts or some other way to express that you choose them above all others.
Don't get stuck in a rut. Don't just do the same things you always do. Routines can be nice, relaxing, and even comforting but it's important to break out every now and again and do something new and exciting together. This shows your significant other that there are still things to look forward to in the relationship and that their lives won't stagnate by being with you. It can also help recapture some of the excitement associated with your first falling in love. Do something daring like skydiving or rock climbing. Take up dance classes or learn to paint together. You can learn crafting skills, like furniture building, which can be used to fill your living space with things you create together. Try introducing a board game night, which will give you the chance to have fun together and even with other couples.
Don't buy into the idea that you can use a certain pheromone, chemical spray, or food to make someone fall in love with you. While there is scientific evidence that such things affect the parts of our brain which deal with those emotions, these chemicals will not force someone to fall in love with you.  There is no foolproof "love potion" as it were. It is impossible to make someone fall in love with you. If you do all the things discussed above and they still don't love you, then they are probably incapable of loving you and the two of you were a poor match. Some people are simply incompatible, even if one person feels very strongly for the other. It may be hard to hear, but you are better off ending a relationship if the other person simply can not return your feelings.

Thursday, October 10, 2013

Make Your Heart and Mind Work Together

I try to believe like I believed when I was 5.. when your heart tells you everything you need to know. ~ Lucy Liu

The same voice in your mind that told you to act, is the same voice that ridicules you later for making that choice. Unfortunately, it's typical in our society to feel a conflict between what we want to do (our heart) and what we feel is practical (our mind). We end up living one third of our lives in a cubicle for the "benefits". We stay friends with people we only kind of like. We do and say things to fit in and seem cool that really go against what we feel is right in our hearts. Is your heart at fault? Are your feelings just silly and frivolous? Or maybe it's your mind that's to blame. It might seem like it's always coming up with conflicting messages anyway. And on it goes and we never really seem to get to it. There's a lot of social conditioning that covers up and obscures things too. Even if you really feel like that's the right choice, how do you know for sure? How do you know it's not just what you think you should do?

All of this might sound a little over the top, but it's a real problem. It ruins lives because people can't make up their minds about whether or not the path of their hearts is valid or not. They end up living a shadow of the possibility that they could. All because they couldn't make up their mind. There's a simple answer to this problem. it might seem even a little too simple. But most things are. Bruce Lee once said, "The height of cultivation always runs to simplicity." First, lets take a look at where this problem starts.

Avoid confusing the purpose of the heart and mind. The main reason we suffer from this illness of indecision, is that we've mistaken the purpose of heart and mind. The heart is the compass - its purpose is to guide the direction our lives should take. Our heart takes a bird's eye view on our life and says "this is where you are and this is the direction you need to go." Our mind, on the other hand, isn't made for making purpose-driven decisions. The nature of the mind is that it conceptualizes, organizes and compares information. It does this as best it can and says "here are the facts, here are both sides of the story." If we compare our mind and heart to a courtroom, our mind would be the defendant and the plaintiff/ both stories) and our heart would be justice or the judge (the right direction). The reason we're so troubled by this conflict of "Head vs. Heart" is that the mind is not only playing the prosecutor and the defense, but has taken over the role of the judge as well. The mind should never be the judge. The mind's job is to compare and contrast. To sort things out and say "this is what I've got, do what you want with it." But more often than not, our mind isn't doing that. Our mind is making our choices. 

What's worse, is even when we don't need our mind to be at work, it's still going. Comparing and contrasting everything. Brooding, mostly. have you ever noticed that even when it's completely unnecessary to think about anything, your mind is still going? Have you noticed that when this is happening, your mind is getting in the way of your experience? Just a few examples of this that come to mind are: sex, watching a sunset, or taking a shower. A mind really doesn't need to be thinking while doing these things. There's no point. At all.
Tame the mind. Before we can get the mind to take a break when we don't need to be incessantly thinking, we have to make friends with it first. If we try to tell our mind to go away, or that we don't need it, we'll just encourage it all the more. Instead of a retreat we'll get resurgence. We son't want that. So if we want to end the conflict of head and heart, we've got to figure out a way to marry this disparate pair. Remember at the start, we suggested that the answer to this problem is simple? Well, it is. But it won't be easy at first, because we've been doing it all wrong for so long. What we have to do is only use our mind to go with ourselves. The Latin root for sin means "to go against." So we have to learn to be without sin. We have to learn to constantly rely on our decisions to be "with ourselves."

Think about each of your decisions. When deciding what phone to get or who to marry or how long to spend at the dinner table, think about each of these things: Gain information. What is the implied benefit of the decision? Will it be something you'll ever regret? Although your mind may be telling you that the temporary benefit of a bad decision will be a wise one, in your heart you may still know that it's not the best thing to do. Seek information about it and evaluate in your mind. Identify problems: What might go wrong? Will you feel good after making the decision? Explore options: Think about what's best for you, and most of the time doing what your heart tells you to do is the best choice. Implement a plan and make a choice. Learn from your mistakes and try, try again. By listening to your heart, you can train your mind to think like it and eventually get them to work in harmony. 

Keep practicing to fall into this new habit. Have you ever wondered how to tell whether a decision is right? It seems so difficult doesn't it? But it becomes so easy when you think "Is this choice going with me, or against me?" You'll find that the right choice is immediately evident. If you can learn to practice this every time you make a choice, you'll start to regain your personal power. You'll create a marriage of your heart and mind. Maybe then their child (you) won't have permanent emotional damage from the divorce it's been suffering from for so long. Make the choice today. Just try it out. Go with yourself.

Follow Your Intuition

Intuition is "knowing" something without being able to explain how you came to that conclusion rationally. It's that mysterious "gut feeling" or "instinct" that often turns out to be right, in retrospect. When you've whittled down your options and are stuck at a crossroads, getting in touch with your intuition can help. Learning how to separate the wheat from the chaff, so speak, is difficult but intuition can be developed.

Trust your instincts. It can be difficult to depend on something that you don't understand, and you probably shouldn't base every one of your decisions on intuition. For example, if you're hiring someone, you should look at qualifications first and foremost, or else you might accidentally discriminate. But when you weighed all the options and there is no obvious, rational choice, intuition;s really all you've got. 

Intuition is basically how you quickly tap into your subconscious mind, which is where you "archive" all kinds of information that you don't remember on a conscious level. Sometimes you pick up on things subconsciously without realizing it, such as body language. It'll register as a certain "feeling" that you can't articulate at that moment, but it could very well be valid.

Without intuition, you're no different than a computer. You only make decisions based on facts, and you don't always have all the facts. So unless you're functioning like a computer, you're already making decisions based on various factors other than logic... why not learn how to use your intuition as well?

Even some of the world's greatest scientists, the most logical thinkers of all time, have made their greatest discoveries based on flashes of intuition (think of Newton and the apple that fell on his head, or Archimedes shouting "Eureka!" in his bathtub). 

Ask yourself questions and listen to the first answer that pops into your mind. That isn't easy, because several thoughts will flood your mind at once. For instance, let's say you're looking at a menu. In figuring out what you want, pick out the first thing that stands out to you. Ignore the remainder of your thoughts, like "But I didn't even look at the specials.. but my friend is on a diet and I'll feel bad eating this in front of her... but my uncle said the mashed potatoes he had here were too mushy... blah, blah, blah. " Don't dwell on it. Just pick something. it's scary... what if you make the wrong choice?... but you'll be fine.

Meditate. Clearing your mind of repetitive thoughts and worries will make it easier to listen to your intuition. Find a meditative technique you are comfortable using and practice. Listen to your gut. There's a reason it's called a "gut feeling". Many times, a decision that you "know" is wrong makes you feel discomfort in your stomach area. Listen to and communicate with your multiple brains. Neuroscience research has shown we have functional and complex brains in both our heart and gut. These brains have memory and intelligence. A the points above indicate, your gut and heart brains know when something isn't right and will tell you through feelings, hunches and messages. You can communicate with these brains through simple language, imagery and touch.

Keep an intuition journal. Every day, use your intuition to make a guess about someone or something. Don't act on it, though. Just write it down. Focus on statements like "I have a feeling that..." or "My intuition tells me that..." If there are any sensations associated with your intuition, such as vision, or physical discomfort, be sure to record it. Looking back in your journal, see how often you are right. As you learn more about how to recognize your intuition, and you see it leading you in the right direction, your confidence will grow and so will your intuitive power. 

Exercise the right side of your brain. Intuition is drawn from the right hemisphere of the brain which is the same side that controls nonverbal, holistic thought and expression. Here are some other ways to "work out" your intuition: Be creative, dance, paint, visualize, and brainstorm. Figuring out what is really your intuition and not the rational or something else is a self learning process that takes trial and error.

Enjoy Being Single

I'm single because I was born that way. - Mae West

If you're fixated on being part of the couple, here are some reasons to savor your singleness.

In a couple-driven consumer marketing society, you're bound to come across people who wonder why you're single, as if the ultimate goal in life is to pair up with another human being and cling to that ideal as if your life depends on it. They might even imply that something is "wrong" with you if you are single. Brace yourself for that kind of ignorance. Remember that you don't have to defend your right or being single, just like it's rude to attack the validity of someone's relationship. Just say "I prefer being single" and change the subject or mention that statistics show that 1/2 of all people are single.

Being single doesn't have to mean being lonely. When you're single, you have more time to do variety of things. All of which are opportunities to forge new friendship. Even if you're an introvert, this can be excellent time to nurture your extroverted side. But social butterflies can grapple with loneliness too. Make it a priority in your life to create meaningful friendships and enrich your existing one's. Learn how to talk to strangers. Or if you're already good at that, how about how to hug a stranger? Practice communication skill that will improve and deepen friendships: How to be a good listener and how to practice nonviolent communication. Get better at dealing with difficult people. Read how to cultivate compassion in your life and how to deal with impossible people and who knows? You might find a friend where you previously only found frustration. be optimistic. Whether you're in a relationship or not, you want to be happy. Research show that the number one ingredient for happiness, by far, is optimism.

Everybody has radical little fantasies... and the chances of pairing up with someone who shares such a fantasy with equal fervor is not something to hold your breath for. So what are you waiting for? Find some people who have the same idea, or just go for it alone, and you'll meet like-minded people along the way. How to start living in a tiny house - much more easily done when you live by yourself! Camp as a lifestyle - not easy to do if you have a significant other who isn't as enthused about the outdoors as you are. How to travel on a very limited budget - radical ideas for shoestring travel. Become a hobo - not something that easy to pull off if you're in a relationship with someone who's location is fixed. Grow your own food - this takes up a lot of your time, and is ridiculously hard to pull off in a relationship if your partner isn't as passionate about it as you are. However, it's a good activity to try.

Classic relationship advice dictates that compromise, sacrifice are essential to a healthy relationship. Perhaps if you've been in a relationship before, you realize how much stuff you had to give up in order to make that relationship work. Or maybe you forgot about that stuff, because you're focused on the things you miss. Well this is a good time to shift that focus. If you're a slob, isn't it great to be able to leave your stuff laying around, without anybody minding? If you're a neat freak, isn't it wonderful to be able to organize everything, and find it the way you left it? Isn't it nice to be able to cook and eat and enjoy foods that a partner may averse to? Isn't it cool to be able to go out spontaneously, without wondering whether your partner can or should be invited? A relationship can add many good things to your life, but it also adds some rigidity, so take the time to appreciate your current flexibility.

Cherish the excitement. Relationships tend to come along with planning -- for example, you can't just accept a job across the country without touching base with your significant other. And generally, if you're in it for the long haul, you'll likely talk about what you'll be doing years from now. But when you're single, the future is completely open. Today you're at your desk, and a year from  now you might be camping in Alaska. Right now you're single, but tomorrow you might meet your soul-mate. who know? Fantasize. Be spontaneous. Be bold.

Being married is a "lifestyle choice" and not a "requirement." Therefore, being single is a "lifestyle choice" and not a "default option." It is possible to CHOOSE to be single. There are advantages to being married just as there are disadvantages to being single, as well as disadvantages. Whether one is married or single is nothing more than a lifestyle choice.

Be grateful for what you have. Many people in the world don't have what you have. Be sociable, go out and have fun and meet new people, just because there is no one in your life yet doesn't mean there never will be. Take your time and wait for the right person!! Just be you, you know yourself better than anyone. Say yes to every opportunity to learn, grow and meet new people. Decide for yourself if there are aspects of your life or your personality that you would like to change and do it. You are your best evaluator. You don't need to listen to those people who tell you that you are single because you are too "picky", too fat, or too old to meet someone else. Being single doesn't mean your life is over , go out there and be proud of who you are and be comfortable with yourself. Remember, confidence is key. Ignore the toxic people in your life. It is easy to recognize them. Their negative words of fear and discouragement sap your energy. Invest in yourself. Save some money and get professional massage. Get a manicure and pedicure... anything that nurtures your body and lifts your spirit. Shift your thinking from "I'm sad and lonely" to "I'm happy and free." Try to enjoy not being tied down, and the freedom to flirt and mingle with other singles. If you feel you need someone in your life, have confidence. Even if you see other couples all happy  and all your friends have someone, remember that when the timing is right, that special person will come along. It just may not be the exact same time your friends' meet someone. Look in your local newspaper for opportunities to join a service club or volunteer with an organization. Look in your church newsletter for church related activities if that makes you happy. Check the continuing education program at your local community college to see if there is a class that you would like to attend. To be happily single, it shows that your happiness doesn't depend on other people. Be yourself, not just a single mom, remember you have needs too, you deserve the odd treat. You can learn new things from anyone you could possibly meet, but be careful; choose people who teach you in a positive way rather than a negative one. Some lessons are better learned through observation, rather than experience.


Wednesday, October 9, 2013

Ready for Winter

Sunday, October 6, 2013

Are You Really HAPPY?

Happiness - it's what we all strive to find and keep, even when it's as elusive as ever. Nobody is happy all the time, but some people are definitely more fulfilled than others. Studies reveal that happiness has little to do with material goods or high achievement; it boils down to your outlook on life, the quality of your relationships, and the basic amenities like good governance and community resources.

In the 70's, researchers followed people who'd won the lottery and found that a year afterward, they were no happier than people who didn't. This hedonic adaptation that we each have a baseline level of happiness. No matter what happens, good or bad, the effect on our happiness is temporary, and we tend to revert to our baseline level. Some people have a higher baseline happiness level than other, and that is due in part of genetics, but it's also largely influenced by how you think.

Add up all the little happy things that happen to you during the day. For example, there was no traffic on the road, you had a nice breakfast, your friend said something funny that made you laugh, you took your dog for a walk in the park and played with it. All of these added together account to one big happiness.

Look at the glass half-full instead of half-empty. Your girlfriend break up with you? Now you have a chance to meet someone else! You lose your job? Now you have the opportunity to find a better one! Adjust your mentality so that, in everything that happens to you, there's some kernel of good.

Put yourself in situations where good things are likely to happen to you. It's easier to stay optimistic if you set yourself up for success. Cheating on a partner, or stealing a bike - while temporarily thrilling - rarely end well for any party involved. Ask yourself before you act: Am I setting myself up for success or for failure?
Think of your current situation (however hard it may be) and then think how much harder some other people have it. Just be happy that you are not in that worse situation. Learn to enjoy your life!
Next time you have a decision to make, and you're down to two or three options, just pick the one that feels right, and go with it. Never regret the decisions you make, though. Just live by the 3 C's of life: choices, chances, and changes. You need to make a choice to take a chance, or your life will never change.

Your comfort may increase with your salary, but comfort isn't what makes people happy. It makes people bored. That's why it's important to push beyond your comfort zone to fuel personal growth.
Treat your body like it deserves to be happy. It may sound cheesy to say, but your brain isn't the only organ in your body that deserves to be happy. Researchers have found that exercise, healthy diets, and regular sleep are key factors in growing more happy and staying that way.
People who are physically active have higher incidences of enthusiasm and excitement. Scientist hypothesize that exercise causes the brain to release chemicals called endorphins that elevate our mood.

Eat right. Eating healthy foods - fruits and vegetables, lean meats and proteins, whole grains, nuts, and seeds - gives your body and brain the energy it needs to be healthy. Some scientists speculate that unhealthy diet, especially those rich in processed carbohydrates, sugars, and industrial vegetable fats, is responsible for brain shrinkage and certain brain diseases like depression and dementia. 

Get enough sleep. Study confirms it: the more sleep you get, the happier you tend to be. Getting just a single extra hour of sleep per night makes the average person happier than making $60, 000 more in annual income, astoundingly enough. So if you're middle-aged, shoot to get at least eight hours of sleep per night; the young and elderly should shoot for 9 to 11 hours of sleep per night.

Stay close to friends and family: Or move to where they are, so you can see them more. We live in a mobile society, where people follow jobs around the country and sometimes around the world. We do this because we think salary increases make us happier, but in fact our relationships with friends and family have a far greater impact on happiness. So next time you think about relocating, consider that you'd need a salary increase of over $100, 000 USD to compensate for the loss of happiness you'd have from moving away from friends and family. If relationships with family and friends are unhealthy or nonexistent, and you are bent on moving, choose a location where you'll make about the same amount of money as everyone else; according to research, people feel more financially secure (and happier) when on similar financial footing as the people around them, regardless of what footing is.

Be compassionate. Compassion is all about doing something kind for someone in need, or someone less privileged than yourself. A brain-imaging study (where scientists peek into people's brains while they act or think) revealed that people gain as much happiness from watching others give to charity as they do receiving money themselves. Think of easy, quick, and effective ways that you can make your community a better place by being compassionate: Tutor, volunteer, or get involved in a church group. Countless children are looking for someone to teach them and act as a role model. Make a microloan (is when you give someone a very small sum of money for an economic project of their own. Many microloans have 95%+ repayment rates. Give a person in need food clothing or shelter. It's so basic we often forget to think about it, yet so easy to do.

Have deep, meaningful conversations. A study by a psychologist at the University of Arizona has shown that spending less time participating in small talk and more time in deep, meaningful conversations can increase happiness. So next time you're beating around the bush with a friend, instead cut right to the chase. You'll be happier for it.

Find happiness in the job you have now: Many people expect the right job or career to dramatically change their level of happiness. But research makes it clear that your levels of optimism and quality of relationships eclipse the satisfaction gained from your job. If you have a positive outlook, you will make the best of any job: and if you have good relationships, you won't depend on your job for a sense of meaning. You'll find meaning in interactions with the people you care about. You'll use your job as a crutch instead of relying on it for meaning. This is not to say you shouldn't aspire to get a job that will make you happier; many people find that being on the right career path is a key determination in their overall happiness. It just means you should understand that the capacity of your job to make you happy is quite small when compared to your outlook and your relationships.

Smile: Science suggests that when you smile, whether you're happy or not, your mood is elevated. So smile all the time if you can! Smiling is like a feedback loop: smiling reinforces happiness, just as happiness causes smiling. People who smile during painful procedures reported less pain than those who kept their facial neutral.

Forgive: In a study of college students, an attitude of forgiveness contributed to better cardiovascular health. You could say forgiveness literally heals the heart. While it is unknown how forgiveness directly affects your heart, the study suggests that it may lower the perception of stress.

Make friends. In a 2010 study published by Harvard researchers in American Sociological Review, people who went to church regularly reported greater life satisfaction than those who didn't. The critical factor was the quality of friendships made in church. Church-goers who lacked close friends there were no happier than people who never went to church. When researchers compared people who had the same number of close friends, those who had close friends from church were more satisfied with their lives. the difference is the forming of friendships based on mutual interests and beliefs. So if church is not your thing, consider finding something else you're deeply passionate about, making friends with those who share similar interests. When you interact with people who share your interests, you feel happier due to sensations of reward and well-being. This is because during such interactions, endorphin and dopamine - neurotransmitters responsible for feelings of happiness and relaxation - are released into the body. In other words, your body is designed to feel happier when engaged in social interactions.

Think of something that made you laugh or smile, even if it's from a long time ago. It'll still have the same effect. Fake it till you make it... Smile. Look on the bright side. Be mindful of life. Notice the trees, the birds, and the people around you. Connect with your senses and be aware of your thoughts and emotions. Watch your favorite movies, listen to your favorite songs and eat some food that you love. Try to think about that someone special and thinking about happy things that make you happy. Do things that make you feel happy too like singing, dancing, cooking, drawing or whatever it is. Talk to someone close and you trust. Cry as much as you can. Pray and feel confident about yourself. Telling yourself when you wake up you're going to be happy today, everyday will help also. Be content with who you are because nobody's 'the perfect one'. Always assume that what is done is done. Don't feel regret due to past mistakes. Instead, learn from them and move on. Be happy. Always look on the bright side. The past is the past you can't change it. No one can. Just be happy. Dance or sing. If you're worried take a deep breath and focus on the positives. Sit and figure out what makes you happy, and make one step at a time to get there.

As long as you are working toward your own personal goals you will move forward instead of procrastinating. Finding time for you is important. Relaxation and meditation or even getting a massage are all ways of taking just a bit of time out for yourself. A way to reward yourself for all that you do. Don't be afraid to admit when you're down and need a lift. Conversely, if a person is a negative influence who drags you down, don't be afraid to remove such a person from your life. However, it is even better when you can see the potential in people, and help them. As with charity, this is beneficial to both you and them; and you have a valuable friend afterwards who is grateful of your aid. For every bad thought that comes into your mind replace it with good one instead. Meditation is also useful. 

When you're purposely trying to be happy or cheerful, but just can't seem to achieve it at the moment, do something crazy. Stupid, crazy, weird actions seem pointless, but could actually lift your mood -- just because you're glad you did it. Most fundamentally, recognize that happiness is a state of mind, not something to be defined objectively. You can change your state of mind in many ways including these or suggestions:
  • Turn your favorite music up loud and do a dance to it. Talk to yourself in the mirror.
  • Write a funny or inspiring quote on your mirror/wall/locker.
  • Scream as loud as you can (warn your family first!) and bounce up and down; jump all around.
  • If it's a hot day, get your swimsuit on, go outside and turn the hose on yourself. 
Keep in close touch with relatives and a small circle of friends. Cultivate love and support. Fly kites alone or with a friend and feel your cares drift away with the breeze. If something bad happens, focus on the other great things that happened, if you do you will remember the good and forget the bad. Think of advice you would give to someone you care about. Take that advice yourself. Tell funny jokes with friends or family. If you are unhappy, even if you don't know why; talk it out with someone. The exchange of ideas and feelings is healing and usually provides some level of satisfaction or peace. Only desire 3 meals and a roof every day. Everything else is extra! Always be goofy and have a few funny jokes to share. Get a fair bedtime so you will be fresh and happy in the morning. Always have a routine. If you have a routine, life will get easier on the way. No more stress. Look at the bright side of things too.

Try to love yourself a little more. Happiness stems from feeling good about the things around you and how that affects you. Look in the mirror and feel happy that who is looking back at you is a survivor. Keep reinventing yourself. The only person on earth who shouldn't be bored with who you are is yourself. When negative thoughts pop up in your mind, just ignore them or think of something else. Write a list of the things that make you sad, and talk to the person or people that did it to you. 

Happy people are not happy all the time. Everyone has times when they feel sad, frustrated, guilty, angry, and so on. Happy people are just more resilient and better at maintaining a state of ubiquitous happiness. We may feel negative at moments in our lives, but try to bounce back and live in the moment, and be content with everything you do. If you are constantly unhappy or depressed, seek professional help.

Thursday, September 26, 2013

How to Keep a Man Interested

Everyone knows woman loves compliments. They aren't the only ones. He may not want to hear that he's "pretty". But a compliment of his hair or his outfit wouldn't go amiss. Listen to what he says to you. Tell him when you think something is smart. Is he in a band? Tell him what you like about the way he plays. He'll tune in to you when he knows you see him for what he is.

Want to hold his attention? Show him the real you. Invite him to a date that you'd really enjoy. Share your thoughts with him. Play him your favorite tunes the next time you hang out there. It can be scary to put all yourself all the way out there. But it's the only way to show him the special parts about you that will make him want to stick around. And if he doesn't like the real you, it's time to find someone who does. 

Men love a little initiative. That goes double in bed. Put a little effort in. Grab a woman's magazine and try out some tips. Or, just ask him what he likes. Throw something extra into each romp. Your flexibility will keep him interested and excited. And you'll have a lot of fun too.

It's 2013. Don't be afraid to make the first move. Want to hang out more? Ask him on a date. Going crazy waiting for him to call? Pick up the phone. Once you make the move, pay attention to his reaction. if it's positive, you're in! if he acts standoffish, it may be time to share your charms with someone else.

You're supposed to share in relationships. But you don't have to reveal your motives. In fact, you shouldn't. Attraction should happen naturally. At least, it should look like it's happening naturally. Don't tell him that you're afraid slipping him away. You'll sound clingy. He'll suspect that everything you do after that is a ploy for his attention.

Your social life shouldn't be your only focus. Men like successful women. Reach for the stars and respect your drive. He'll also fall in love with your passion. Your busy schedule will give you lots to talk about. His parents will see you as a perfect match. And his friends will want to network with you. Plus, you'll give yourself a confidence boost when you accomplish your goals.

Don't be afraid to be opinionated. Men like women with strong identities. Engage him in conversation over drinks. Speak up about issues that are important to you. Don't be afraid to defend your point if it's different from his. He'll respect your differences. And he'll come to you for your opinion. Agree with everything he says without letting your personality shine and he may got bored with your conversations.

Keep your calendar full. He'll have to squeeze in dates with you. A big social circle will keep you busy. When he sees you hanging out with other people, he'll want to monopolize more of your time. And he'll feel free to do so without worrying you about being clingy. When he does call, go out whenever he wants. The next time he rings, make him work around your busy schedule. You'll keep him interested while making sure you don't neglect your friends.

Men are visual creatures. Fix yourself up if you want to grab his attention. You don't have to do anything drastic. A little lipstick and a pair of jeans you love go a long way. You'll do more than catch his eye. You'll catch your own. And he'll pick up on your confidence. Wear your favorite clothing or makeup each time you see him. Your efforts will keep him interested.

Men can take you for granted when you're too available. Develops interests outside the relationship. What have you always wanted to do? Devote some time every week to that. Your passion for your new hobby may re-ignite his passion for you. He'll miss you the night or so a week you're unavailable. He'll put extra effort to get together when you're free. Plus you'll have the chance to accomplish those goals you've always had your eye on.

Men are competitive animals. There's nothing wrong with a little light flirting in his presence. Smile at the barista until he smiles back. Be a social butterfly at the next party you visit. Keep the moments short and when you know he's watching. It will stir up a little harmless jealousy. He'll see that other people appreciate your good qualities. And it will remind him that he doesn't want anyone else to have you.

Men are simpler than you think. They're roughly 50% stomach. Food is a great way to keep a man interested. You don't even have to cook. Just give him his favorite food. Pack him a lunch to take with him. You'll travel right through his stomach to his heart. But don't be a door mat. Good meals are for boys with good behavior.

The things you have in common will keep you together. Try taking part in the things he likes. If he plays the guitar, mess around with the bass. Does he like basketball? Watch the occasional game with him. Even if you don't fall in love with the sport, he'll appreciate the effort. He may even put in the effort to participate in stuff that you like. Hanging out doing the things that you both enjoy will keep you both interested.


Friday, July 12, 2013

DENIAL

Intentional ignorance would be a suitable definition. We live in a constant state of denial. Nobody's life is perfect, everyone has that one part of their lives that is hallow or fatally broken. The secret to a perfect life is acceptance, mixed with a little bit of denial. Denial helps to cover up the wounds and scars which you know cannot be healed anymore. It helps to lessen the burden which you know you will have to carry for the rest of your lives. Denial also helps us to overcome temporarily, feelings that could lead to severe heartbreaks. It helps you to ignore all the bad aspects of your life, and focus on the good ones.

Once in a while, we wake up, either when forced by people or circumstances. Or when it just gets to hard to overlook the reality which is right in front of our eyes. At that point of time, we feel like we have deceived ourselves all this while. We feel like there is a lot that we could have done, had we walked with reality. But this is just a momentary rush that you get, a depressing phase. Because there are certain things which you cannot fix. And denial is the only way to heal the pain, the only cure, the only aid, in most cases. Once in a while, all those self told convincing lies fade away, and the truth is clear and upright, as harsh as it was. This is when the bad times and the bad days begin to take over. You regret all that you've ever done. You call yourself weak, and a coward. You walk away from all those happy faces, because you don't deserve to be with them. You acquired your happiness and contentment by lying to yourself. But there's still hope. It is not long enough before the foggy layer of denial and lies rises, and you get that sense of relief, all over again. Denial is bliss, and for some, it is the only way out.

Friday, June 28, 2013

Forbidden Love

What I feel for you, couldn't hold it inside,
had forgotten the whole world for a while.

My nights goes sleepless aching for you
I know your nights aren't different too

Every morning rays, knows the truth,
We love each other deeply and true

Every pain of mine aches for your arms,
every smile that lights want to be with you

You give me hopes when I need it the most,
you make me, meet me whenever I am lost

You are the whole and soul I need for my life,
but every settings rays in sky, knows the price

We are for each other, but can't be together,
but I love you still deeply, problems whatsoever

My love for you I think can;t end
except maybe when I am dead and sent...


Tuesday, June 11, 2013

Egypt... At Last!

Hello! Hello!
Finally, after the long wait, I'm here in Egypt. :)

The few months ago was not so promising since I have a lot of struggles before I am able to come here for work... but as they've said good thing comes to those who wait, then mine is worth the wait. *wink*




I am working here in Egypt as an Intensive Care Unit (ICU) Staff Nurse in a famous hospital which is specialized for Cardiac, Thoracic, Vascular and Nervous Diseases: The Dar Al Fouad Hospital which is accredited by the Joint Commission International (JCI) and extensively collaborates with the Cleveland Clinic Foundation (CCF), the top cardiac hospital in the US.



Finally, my dreams are within reach, yet it's just sad knowing that I am already far away from my family and loved ones, yet trusting that greener pastures will be soon at hand and we'll be together again soon. As of now I am on the process of adjusting to the place, the weather and the people, fortunately, I was able to meet some old friends and good people, and was able to meet my aunt and her family. It was been a week past now since I arrived in Egypt, and was able to experience and create new memories to cherish, and hopefully more memories to create in the next days to come. I was also able to visit some beautiful places here and hopefully to visit the Great Pyramids one of these days.

Until here for now... So just keep in touch!

Tuesday, April 23, 2013

Change Your Thinking

It will take just 37 seconds to read this and change your thinking.. Two men, both seriously ill, occupied the same hospital room. One man was allowed to sit up in his bed for an hour each afternoon to help drain the fluid from his lungs. His bed was next to the room's only window. The other man had to spend all his time flat on his back. The men talked for hours on end. They spoke of their wives and families, their homes, their jobs, their involvement in the military service, where they had been on vacation.. Every afternoon, when the man in the bed by the window could sit up, he would pass the time by describing to his roommate all the things he could see outside the window. The man in the other bed began to live for those one hour periods where his world would be broadened and enlivened by all the activity and color of the world outside. The window overlooked a park with a lovely lake. Ducks and swans played on the water while children sailed their model boats. Young lovers walked arm in arm amidst flowers of every colour and a fine view of the city skyline could be seen in the distance. As the man by the window described all this in exquisite details, the man on the other side of the room would close his eyes and imagine this picturesque scene. One warm afternoon, the man by the window described a parade passing by. Although the other man could not hear the band - he could see it in his mind's eye as the gentleman by the window portrayed it with descriptive words. Days, weeks and months passed. One morning, the day nurse arrived to bring water for their baths only to find the lifeless body of the man by the window, who had died peacefully in his sleep. She was saddened and called the hospital attendants to take the body away. As soon as it seemed appropriate, the other man asked if he could be moved next to the window. The nurse was happy to make the switch, and after making sure he was comfortable, she left him alone. Slowly, painfully, he propped himself up on one elbow to take his first look at the real world outside. He strained to slowly turn to look out the window besides the bed. It faced a blank wall. The man asked the nurse what could have compelled his deceased roommate who had described such wonderful things outside this window. The nurse responded that the man was blind and could not even see the wall. She said, 'Perhaps he just wanted to encourage you.' Epilogue: There is tremendous happiness in making others happy, despite our own situations. Shared grief is half the sorrow, but happiness when shared, is doubled. If you want to feel rich, just count all the things you have that money can't buy. 'Today is a gift, that is why it is called The Present .


Note to Saving Your Marriage

When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I've got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes. Suddenly I didn't know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce.. I raised the topic calmly. She didn't seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why? I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn't talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Dew. I didn't love her anymore. I just pitied her! With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company. She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Dew so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now. The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn't have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Dew. When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again. In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn't want anything from me, but needed a month's notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month's time and she didn't want to disrupt him with our broken marriage. This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into our bridal room on our wedding day. She requested that everyday for the month's duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning.. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request. I told Dew about my wife's divorce conditions.. . She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully.. My wife and I hadn't had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mummy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don't tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office. On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn't looked at this woman carefully for a long time.. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her. On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me. On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn't tell Dew about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger. She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily. Suddenly it hit me... she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head. Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it's time to carry mum out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day. But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn't noticed that our life lacked intimacy. I drove to office.... jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind...I walked upstairs. Dew opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Dew, I do not want the divorce anymore. She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead.. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Dew, I said, I won't divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn't value the details of our lives, not because we didn't love each other any more. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart. Dew seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away. At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I'll carry you out every morning until death do us apart. That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed - dead. The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves. So find time to be your spouse's friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage! If you don't share this, nothing will happen to you. If you do, you just might save a marriage. Many of life's failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.


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