Friday, October 18, 2013

Make Someone Fall for You

Sometimes we meet someone and we just know: it's love. However, it isn't always easy to see the wonderful qualities of the people right there in front of us. They may need a little push to realize that maybe they love you too. Remember that there is no way to make someone fall in love with you and that you wouldn't want love that was forced anyway. But, with time and effort, you may be able to be for them all the amazing things that they are for you!
Work on being the best "you". If you want someone to fall in love with you, you need to be someone that people want to fall in love with first. Work on being the best you that you can possibly be and you'll find that people will start loving you naturally. Who knows, maybe you'll end up catching the attention of the person you wanted to begin with. Take good care of your body. It's hard to love someone properly if you can't even love yourself. This is something that shows to other people; they'll notice if you can't care for yourself and this will make many people lose interest. Exercise, eat right, practice proper hygiene and wear clean clothing. Go out and do things. Don't be boring and just sit around watching television. Give your life a purpose and direction. Live a big life. Go out and travel the world, excel at a sport, make lots of friends. Even a homebody can find ways to make their life exciting and meaningful. Write a book about a subject that is important to you, take up an art like sculpting or painting, learn to code and start writing your own programs, or become an active member in an online community. Whatever it is, make sure that you are doing the things you always wanted to do. This passion is very attractive and others will take notice. Treat others the way you wanted to be treated. It may sound cheesy, but it's true. If you want others to treat you with care and respect, you better start acting that way, too. People are happy to fall in love with others who are happy, who give back, and who are genuinely nice to others.
Prepare for the emotional hurdles. Relationships are hard. Before trying to get someone to fall in love with you, be sure that you are emotionally ready for what it means. You need to love that person in return and be willing to make sacrifices for them. You need to be devoted to their happiness and your own, in union. If you are too hung up in a past relationship, are more interested in dating someone else, or just generally not ready for commitment, don't try to get someone to fall in love with you. Consider how you feel about this person. Do you love them? You will want to be sure that you feel romantic love for them and not just the love felt between close friends. It can often be difficult to tell. If you don't love them yet, then consider just letting the relationship develop naturally. If it is meant to be then you will both develop feelings together. Think about why you want to take this relationship more seriously. If you only want that person to love you in order to feel better about losing another relationship or to make someone jealous, then getting that person to fall in love with you is a bad idea. This is inconsiderate towards the very real feeling they may end up developing. If, however, you want someone to fall in love with you because you want to be together for a long time and have a mutually supportive relationship, then go ahead. Determine your long-term goals for the relationship. If you can't see it lasting, there isn't much sense in trying to make someone fall in love with you. This is emotionally cruel to both yourself and the other person. There is nothing wrong with casual dating; if you want to date someone but don't see it lasting, just enjoy it for what it is and don't try to make it more serious. You don't need to be in love to keep dating.
Find someone that's right for you. This is one of the most important steps before trying to make someone fall in love with you. This person needs to be ready for a more serious relationship, they need to be compatible with you. If they aren't, you will be wasting your time and theirs and somebody is going to end up with a broken heart.
Get to know them. The first step in getting someone to love you is to get to know them. This doesn't just mean knowing their birthday or where they work or their parent's names. This means getting to know the real them, who they really are underneath the basic details of their life. This takes time and you need to pay attention and take a real interest, since information like this is often not offered but rather learned through inference and experience. Discuss difficult or controversial topics like religion and politics, and discuss them at length. This will tell you a lot about what a person believes and values. It's okay if you have some different beliefs in these areas (it's always good to challenge each other and make each other think) but be aware that too many differences or very important differences can make more serious relationships hard or impossible. Talk about what they wanted to be as a child and what they want to do with their life now. This will tell you about their hopes and dreams, as well as what kind of direction they want in their life. 
Share their passions. Get into the things that they love. Learn to enjoy or appreciate the things that make them happy. Don't fake it; people can usually tell when you are genuinely interested in something. Experience it through their eyes and share in that passion. This will give you something to bond over and can set the spark for real love. If they are a big fan of a sport that you don't understand or know, ask them to teach it to you. This will give you the opportunity to play it with them or go with them to games. Look at the sport as a way to get excited and enjoy life, if you aren't usually into sports. If they are really into a certain kind of music, listen to a lot of that music and find some songs that you like too. You can even find sub-genres that you prefer. This will give you the opportunity to discuss the technical side of the music, as well as arguing the merits of certain variations or changes over time. You can go to concerts together on dates or make them the perfect mix as a gift.
Support them during difficult times. This will be very important to creating true love between you. Most people want to be in relationships to begin with because they like having someone to support them. If you can be supportive and genuinely caring, this will go a long way towards getting someone to fall in love with you. Don't just hug them and tell them everything will be okay (although you should do those things). Do whatever you can to actively help solve or ease their problems. If they are struggling in school, tutor them and work with them if possible. If they are having problems at work, try making them food and cleaning their house so that they don't have so much to worry about when they come home.
Make them their best self. People want to be with someone who makes them a better person. It makes them feel better about themselves and reassures them that they can be good people if they try. Make your significant other the best version of themselves by encouraging them to do the things they love and giving them the space to do those things. If they have a bad habits, gently give them the tools they need to break those habits. Just remember not to be condescending, push unwanted help or advise, or try to change them into what you want them to be. This is all about helping them make the changes that they want in their life. Make your significant other feel like your hero when they're around you. Let them help you with schoolwork (to make them feel smart), ask for personal advice (to make them feel wise), and ask for their help or advise on subjects that are particularly important to them (to give them a chance to use their expertise). Asking for clothing advice or help reaching or opening containers are also ways that you can make your significant other feel useful and capable. 
Show them the best side of you. You hopefully took the advice in their earlier steps ans worked on making yourself your best person. Now is the time to let that shine. Share your newly explored passions with your significant other but also let them see how far you've come. Seeing that someone is motivated to change their life for the better is attractive and inspiring. Realize that they will see and should see your worse sides as well. People are flawed and there is nothing wrong with that. You can't really be perfect at all, much less all of the time. No one can. You just have to trust that your faults mesh well with theirs. Personal faults can even be a good things. Maybe you hate doing laundry but your significant other finds it relaxing, while they hate cleaning the kitchen but for you it's practically a sport. 
Give them freedom and space. No one wants to feel trapped in a relationship. This is why many people keep themselves from getting too serious. If you give your significant other the freedom to do the things they love and be their own person, you will go far in making them feel comfortable with the idea of loving you. Respect that they are their own person; don't try to change them and certainly don't invade their privacy. They are allowed to have secrets and things are just theirs. Don't rearrange their living space without asking. Don't try to change the interior decorating in their home. Don't force them to change their diet or how they dress. If you make suggestions along these lines and they say "no", respect that and don't bring it up again (at least for a long time). Don't suck up all of their time; they probably have things they need or want to do that they need to do alone. Do let them have time to themselves to do the things that they want to do. Alone time is important for both of you. Do encourage them to make their own decisions regarding personal items and decoration. For example, if your boyfriend asks for help picking out new clothes, find three shirts that you think would work and then let him pick one. If your girlfriend asks you to pick a place to go out for dinner, give her a short list of your favorite places and let her choose what she's in the mood for.
Create trust. Don't constantly second-guess them or question their motives. Trust them and show them that you trust them. Love can't exist long-term in a relationship that doesn't have trust. Show your significant other that you are a safe haven, where they can find and give trust without having to worry that they will get hurt. If they tell you a secret, keep it. If you find out something that embarrasses them, don't bring up the issue or bring it up only to show that you do the same or similar things and that there's nothing to be ashamed about around you. Share your secrets with your significant other and let them see sides of you that no one else does. Be vulnerable with them and let them make you feel better. Don't stress when they spend time around other men or women. Knowing that you trust them will make them trust you even more. 
Don't be a lazy lover: go the extra mile! Dress well, do your hair, plan elaborate dates, and find the perfect gifts. These things will show your significant other that you think they're worth the effort. If they see how much you're willing to try, they'll be much more likely to love you.
Be a great date. From the very first date, you want to be someone that's fun to be around. Even before the first date you will want to create opportunities to spend time together in a way that shows just how wonderful you are. Choose activities which are exciting, unique, and fun for both of you. If you don't know each other very well, choose something that will give you common ground and something to talk about: like a movie. If you do know each other well, choose something that's outside the norm for both of you. this may allow them to see you in a new light. To set up a date, don't beat around the bush: be straightforward. Tell your special someone something like, "Hey, I'd really like to go to the zoo this weekend and I would love it if you'd be my date." Have a concrete activity that is entertaining for both of you and be honest about why you want them to come. Taking control of the situation like this shows that you're capable and confident, excellent qualities in a date.
Believe that there are other people. Sometimes we have feelings for someone that they don't return. This is okay. You shouldn't feel like it's the end of the world or that there's no one else for you. There are an awful lot of people on this planet, after all (don't think too hard about other planets though... long distance relationships are hard). If someone doesn't return your feelings you should understand that it wasn't meant to be and that you wouldn't have been all that happy together. You'll find someone else before you know it and wonder why you ever felt upset in the first place. Don't be clingy or overly pushy with someone who's rejected your feelings. Anyone that you have to try too hard to convince to like you is not worth all the trouble and will probably never like you. Pursuing a relationship too hard will only make you creepy and push people further away.
Don't ever take them for granted. If they do fall in love with you, you'll need to maintain that love, to keep it from fading or changing. The best way to keep someone in love with you is to never, ever take them for granted. Show them that you appreciate them every day (by saying things like thank you) and take notice of all the things they do for you and the ways in which they improve your life. For example, if your significant other joins in your vegetarianism so that you recognize and appreciate the effort more easily, occasionally show them that you recognize and appreciate the effort by preparing them a meal with meat (you can use local, humane meat to ease your personal misgivings). 
Show them that you care. Just because you're both in love and your relationship seems stable and at its peak doesn't mean you should stop putting in an effort. Continue to go on dates, buy each other flowers, and things like that. This will show them that you still care and are still invested in the relationship. Most importantly: tell them that you love them. Do this every day, if you can. Never ever let them question if you still love them. Knowing that your feelings are so undying will make them fall even deeper in love. 
Make a commitment. If you love someone and they love you, then it is important to make some kind of commitment. This shows them that you're serious and that your affection isn't some ephemeral emotion meant to get you what you want. It also saves them the embarrassment of societal pressure, as it will keep others from judging them and assuming that they are being taken advantage of. In the short term, you can date your significant other exclusively. After a little longer you may wish to move in with them. Longer term you may wish to get married. If that isn't for you, consider matching tattoos over your hearts or some other way to express that you choose them above all others.
Don't get stuck in a rut. Don't just do the same things you always do. Routines can be nice, relaxing, and even comforting but it's important to break out every now and again and do something new and exciting together. This shows your significant other that there are still things to look forward to in the relationship and that their lives won't stagnate by being with you. It can also help recapture some of the excitement associated with your first falling in love. Do something daring like skydiving or rock climbing. Take up dance classes or learn to paint together. You can learn crafting skills, like furniture building, which can be used to fill your living space with things you create together. Try introducing a board game night, which will give you the chance to have fun together and even with other couples.
Don't buy into the idea that you can use a certain pheromone, chemical spray, or food to make someone fall in love with you. While there is scientific evidence that such things affect the parts of our brain which deal with those emotions, these chemicals will not force someone to fall in love with you.  There is no foolproof "love potion" as it were. It is impossible to make someone fall in love with you. If you do all the things discussed above and they still don't love you, then they are probably incapable of loving you and the two of you were a poor match. Some people are simply incompatible, even if one person feels very strongly for the other. It may be hard to hear, but you are better off ending a relationship if the other person simply can not return your feelings.

1 beautiful crazy thoughts:

Marie Dee said...

Pasok sa banga! This is a good point and I learned a lot. Thanks for this! :)

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Thanks for your comments. Keep it coming..:)

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