Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Famous Mistakes in a Relationship

1. Relying on your feelings rather than your intuition.
Feelings regarding a new relationship will almost always involve powerful lust. This is natural. When an interest grows sexually, it grows as quickly and as surely as a child. Each interaction doubles the desire until the need to be constantly together becomes unstoppable; a temporary insanity that works for the human race. It’s right here, at these initial stages of lust and desire, that the intuition is disregarded. Warning signs regarding long-term difficulties are thrust aside by the strong emotions that are being felt. Being aware of what is happening is the only hope of touching your gut-feelings for a moment, a moment that could possibly avert a lifetime of problems.

2. Lack of self-confidence.
The feeling here is that you need someone to complete you; a piece is missing that you must find. With antennae up, the search begins, and because you are searching so intently, there is the tendency to grab the first thing that provides you with the attention that you so badly need. In this case, intuition and feelings surrender to a psychological need. The problem is, the insecurity is only solved temporarily, and down the road after the relationship cools, the constant attention that you require may not be there.

3. Thinking that things will automatically work out.
There is the tendency to put a new relationship on autopilot, as if it is divinely inspired. We look past any potential problems and just believe that everything will be fine. Part of this is due to sexual attraction, which nature has programmed to be invulnerable to logic! In this case, intuition is temporarily sidestepped, and the part of us that says, “Watch out!” is muffled in deference to procreating the species.

4. Falling in love with “love” rather than your partner.
Needing a relationship to solve your insecurity, loneliness, etc., regardless of the hapless person who fills that need, is destined for failure, simply because the entire emphasis is on your needs. This immature attitude will destroy a relationship in short order, or as soon as your partner doesn’t live up to your expectations.

5. Relying on self-help books and friend’s advice instead of your own intuition.
If we are in touch with our intuition, values such as honesty, compassion, and selflessness will become apparent in a potential partner. Friends and relatives might have other ideas, such as success or good looks, or books might tell us to consider religious or political affiliation. The key is differentiating our intuition from our lust.

6. Overconfidence.
This could be a symptom of being caught up in yourself, and could lead to arrogance and conceit. When you are arrogant, this means that you disregard other’s feelings, simply because you are the most important consideration at all times. You basically need only yourself, but sexual needs get in the way, and therefore you might feign a relationship for that purpose.

7. Confusing the realities of a relationship with eternal bliss.
This is confusing human relationships with conceptualized ideals of religious experience. The initial feelings of a relationship may be indeed transcendent, but they never last. The relationship gets real very fast, and when it does, a mature perceptive of human relationship must be understood.

8 Unwillingness to change and adapt to the relationship.
We might feel that our way is the right way and harbor strong opinions about what is right and what is wrong. If we can see these as only our opinions based on our personal experiences and exposure, and understand that our partner’s perspective may be quite different, this will go a long way in determining whether we will be able to compromise and be successful in building a strong relationship.

9. Comparing your relationship or partner with others.
This involves a number of problems based on fear, such as envy, insecurity, and greed (for something better than what you have). An initial relationship will never hold up to its promises, simply because it becomes stale, as anything does that we become overly familiar with. It’s just the way things work. Knowing and understanding these things at the get go is where we have a chance to convert a stale relationship into a mature relationship. It all depends upon our capacity to compromise our selfish desires with the things that our partner requires.

10. Creating a crisis to keep things interesting.
Fighting and making up recreates that initial exuberance, but when that no longer works, you might attempt to shore up a relationship with some kind of a long-term excitement or commitment. Children are a good distraction. The child rearing years temporarily create a diversion from the realities of a close relationship. They do end, however, and then what was not faced initially comes home to roost. Better to come to terms with the realities of a relationship initially, rather than forgo the reality until years later. Too many people break up in their forties and fifties when the children are gone and they are faced with their relationship again, but this time with no escape.

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